Regina's My Birth Control
by SincerelyCarmillaKarnstein
Summary: Emma is "celebrating" the moment when she started her relationship with Regina. No more relationships with men mean no pregnancies will be happening. Little did she know how wrong she was. This is an SwanQueen Fic.
1. Chapter 1

Regina barely avoided getting hit in the face with a pregnancy test and a few condoms in their wrappers as she entered Emma's bedroom. She had been dating Emma for quite some time now, so there was no need for Emma to worry about becoming pregnant.

"I see that somebody is celebrating being in a relationship with a woman." Regina said as she saw Emma bent over looking through a drawer. The blonde was wearing her usual white tank top and skinny jeans outfit. The former Evil Queen was admiring the way the blonde's jeans made her ass look.

Emma saw purple smoke surround her and felt hands on her hips as she remained bent over. "This is one of my favorite positions to see you in." Regina murmured as she used one of her hands to keep Emma still.

The blonde woman shivered a little as she felt Regina lift the back of her tank top and run her nail gently down her spine. Emma would never admit to Regina that she was beginning to like submitting to her.

Emma saw a purple smoke surround the both of them and she knew that Regina had teleported them to her bed. The blonde was now on her hands and knees on the bed without any clothes on and felt very vulnerable.

Regina was right behind Emma in a very thin silk robe that she had wrapped around herself. The brunette was glancing at the younger woman's body and was thinking of all the things she wanted to do to her.


	2. Chapter 2

Emma waited patiently as she felt Regina approach her. She felt the bed dip as Regina joined her. Her hands were caressing the parts of Emma that were exposed to Regina. She seemed to even touch parts of her that were more than skin deep. A shiver went down her spine as Regina leaned in close to Emma to whisper in her ear, "Fucking you will be such pleasure."

Regina knew exactly where to touch Emma and how she would react. She would be gentle at first by touching her nipples. The touch would turn into something more as she pulled at them and heard the blonde's response. Emma felt Regina's hands move lower.

The silk robe that brushed against Emma's skin the more Regina moved. She didn't like anyone taking the wheel with things, but with Regina, she didn't mind it.

Regina's finger were going exactly where Emma wanted them to until she heard a squeak. Regina tried again and the squeaking became louder.

Emma couldn't contain herself and burst out laughing.

"Miss Swan, this is not a laughing matter!"

Regina removed her hand from Emma and reached under the comforter. There was a dog toy that squeaked so loudly.

Emma had ruined the mood completely and laid down on the bed. Emma rolled onto her back and Regina was scowling at her. The brunette was now in a sitting position and threw the squeaky dog toy at Emma.

"Come on Regina, it was funny! I forgot that got into my bed."

"Why is it there? You don't have a dog."

"No, but I do have fun turning into a golden retriever to play with it."

Regina got off the bed and folded her arms over her chest.

"Well Miss Swan, I can assure you that this might be the last time we get together like this."

Emma was on her elbows now, "You're just joking. Right, Regina?"

The former Evil Queen stormed off and slammed the door while Emma just let herself fall back onto the bed.

Damn that squeaky toy!

It was getting hot and heavy.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you so much, DameEris, for all the help!**

 **Don't hate on my lack of smut writing and skipping over, but I still have trouble writing those scenes.**

 **I'm trying to start small and work my way up. ;)**

Regina was still angry at Emma when she saw the blonde come down the stairs in a robe.

"Oh come on Regina, it was hilarious!"

"It _ruined_ everything!"

Emma followed Regina to the kitchen, "I'm sorry that it ruined the moment."

"Do you know how hard it can be for me to find time for us to be intimate?"

"I never thought of it like that."

"Well of course you don't! All you do all day is throw paper balls in your trash can and stuff your face with bear claws!"

"Hey, I do more than that!"

"Like?" Regina was seething.

"I fill out paperwork and rescue cats in trees." Emma mumbled.

"See? I fill out more than a few pages of paperwork and have meetings. I have to make sure this town functions properly."

"Babe, I get it."

"Just go, please."

 **xxx**

Emma was grumpy the next morning as she rolled out of bed. She rolled too far and almost knocked over the night stand. As she went to the bathroom, she stubbed her toe.

"Just give me a break already!" She yelled in the empty house.

As she made her way downstairs, she spotted a note next to the coffee machine. It said that Regina was off to work and that she needed the last batch of coffee. Emma almost threw the coffee machine out the window.

 **xxx**

What else could go wrong?

Emma was at the station and saw that didn't finish her paperwork due in a few hours.

"Uh oh…"

She ran to her desk and threw her leather jacket somewhere instead of putting it on the back of her chair. She was filling out the paperwork when she heard this loud crack. Her chair had finally broke and she cursed under her breath.

 **xxx**

Regina opened the door and Emma almost ran into her.

"I got your paperwork!"

She had the papers in her hand as she tried to catch her breath.

"They're slightly crumpled."

"Regina, please. I had a horrible morning. Just accept it."

Regina reluctantly took the paperwork, went to her desk, and flattened it.

"Everything looks like it's in order."

"I'm really sorry about last night, Regina."

"I know that you didn't do it on purpose."

Regina turned towards Emma and noticed that she had her pants ripped. She tried to hide a smile behind her hand.

"What's so funny?"

The former Evil Queen could only point and Emma saw the rip in her pants.

"Lovely, everyone's seen my ass."

"Dare I ask what happened?"

"The chair broke."

"I told you that you ate too many bear claws. If you eat anymore, we won't be able to have anymore _fun_ together."

Emma raised her tank top and showed off her abs, "Does this look like I'm getting fat?"

Regina came closer to rest her hands on Emma's abs, "Mmm...no." She moved closer to her and pressed Emma's back against the door.

"Uh Regina, we're in your office."

"So?"

"You have the whole 'no sex' in the office rule."

"Rules were meant to be broken."

Emma was going to say more when Regina silenced her with a kiss. It was so urgent and needy, not the typical Regina kiss.

One moment, Emma was fully dressed, and the next, all her clothes disappeared in a blink of an eye.

"As sexy as this is, Regina, you seem to be acting…"

"Spontaneous?" She purred.

Emma was so distracted by the look in Regina's eyes, "Y-Yeah."

Regina waved her hand which locked the door and soundproofed the room.

"Now Sheriff, I think it's time we continued where we left off."

Regina came towards her with handcuffs.

 **xxx**

Emma wiped her mouth and licked her fingers.

"You're way more delicious than bear claws."

Regina was sitting on her desk as Emma was getting dressed.

"Maybe you need to go on a diet."

"Yeah, the Regina Mills' Diet." Emma winked.

Regina smirked, "We both know that you'll stay fit that way."

"Then I can eat as many bear claws as I want."

Regina rolled her eyes as she threw Emma's leather jacket at her.

She barely caught it and smoothly put it on.

"I just love it when you put your jacket on, even if it is hideous."

 **xxx**

Emma was relieved that everything had resolved itself with Regina. It was just weird bow she was acting towards her. It wasn't hostile, but more like out of control in the sex department.

At first, Emma thought it was funny, but now, it was like she couldn't so anything without Regina trying to jump her bones. Normally, she wouldn't reject, but it was such bad timing.

 **xxx**

Regina was sitting across from Emma and watching her drink her soda. The blonde was just drinking like usual when Regina said, "You look _very_ sexy doing that."

"Uh Regina, I always drink like this."

Regina had wrapped her tongue around her straw in such a suggestive manner that Emma almost choked.

The brunette waited patiently until the food came. Emma could see that Regina was trying not to squirm in her seat.

"You okay?"

"Of course I am."

"Well, you're fidgeting."

Something must have snapped in Regina because Emma barely got some scrambled egg in her mouth before Regina jumped her, literally!

The plates were thrown aside as Regina shoved the plates every which way to get to Emma. The blonde was trying not to choke as she landed on the floor with a certain brunette straddling her.

Ruby looked down at them, "So….do I still get my tip?"

 **xxx**

The next time this happened, it was with her parents. She was sitting at the small table with Regina next to her. The former Evil Queen sneakily put her hand on Emma's thigh. The Savior didn't care if she put her hand on her thigh. The issue was that she kept moving it up her leg.

Her parents were making talking to her and Regina's hand continued to slide up. Emma tried to clear her throat and gently push Regina's hand away.

It had ended worse than at the diner. Emma could hear Snow screaming, "PORN!" while Charming had a confused look on his face. He didn't know if he should be laughing or offended.

 **xxx**

Emma heard the sound of the front door open. She had finished working out on her day off and was looking through the fridge.

"Have I ever told you how _delicious_ you look?"

Emma straightened up, "Regina, not now. I just finished working up a sweat. As much as I love working up one with you, I'm burnt out, Babe."

Regina frowned, "Burnt out? Are you tired of me?"

"Oh no, that's not what I meant! You see...uh… you make me super exhausted after our 'marathons'."

Emma reached for the water bottle and Regina quickly grabs it out of her hands. _Oh shit_. It turned out that Emma was trying to make a potion that is a birth control to prevent magical pregnancy. It was supposed to manifest sex without consequences. She put it in her own water bottle since Regina didn't ever touch hers until now.

Regina said, "Yours always tastes much better than my water."

Emma knew the look on Regina's face.

"You drank my water bottle?"

"I obviously have."

"No, I meant, for how long?"

Regina furrowed her brow, "For a while. Why?"

"Well, you see Regina…"

 **xxx**

"You did what?!" Regina shouted so loudly that everyone in Storybrooke could've heard it.

"It was an accident, okay? I was trying to be safe, dammit! Not my fault you couldn't keep your hands off me."

"Oh, so you're _complaining_?"

"No? I mean, No! I'm happy that we have a happy sex life, but can we keep that like private?"

"You never cared about privacy before."

"You can't keep trying to get in my pants in public, but especially in front of my parents!"

"Charming needs to take some tips."

"Ew, Regina."

Regina rolled her eyes, "I can assure you that you're safe. No need to worry about being pregnant."

"Pregnant?! Hell no! Don't get me wrong, I'm happy we have Henry, but no more kids! I want to keep this sexy bod, thank you very much."

"It'll always be sexy to me." Regina purred.

 **xxx**

Emma had no idea how much time had passed, but she was kneeling in front of the porcelain throne and getting sick in it. At first, she thought that she had food poisoning. Then she realized how stupid that sounded. The only "food poisoning" was literal.

Maybe she drank a lot last night? Nope, she didn't drink much. The blonde was trying to figure out what was going on when Regina came into the room.

"What's wrong, Emma?" Concern was written all over her face as she bent down next to Emma, who proceeded to get sick again.

Regina handed Emma a washcloth so she could wipe her mouth.

"I have had more than enough hangovers throughout my life, but whatever this would top them all."

"Emma, how long has it been since your last period?"

"Who asks that type of question?"

"Well?"

"Er...I don't know."

"How do you not know?"

"We aren't synced up anymore. Plus, I don't have to worry since you don't use the magic cock spell."

"I wish you wouldn't call it that." Regina said.

"It is what it is!"

Regina rolled her eyes, "As I told you before, that's not the only way you can get pregnant."

"Who said I was pregnant? I'm not pregnant!"

"Emma, let's go over the facts. You missed your period and you haven't had it for quite some time. We have had sex at least twice a day. Magic is unpredictable at that time. You're throwing up in the toilet. So you tell me what you think is happening since you're not 'pregnant' as you put it."

Emma scowled at Regina. There was no way in hell that she could be pregnant.

"I have a simple spell that will tell you if you're pregnant or not. I just need a strand of your hair."

"I'm not Rapunzel!"

Regina held out her hand and Emma gave her a small piece of her hair. The brunette said a few spoken words and the hair began to glow.

"You're pregnant!"

"No, that spell must be screwed up!"

"Em-ma, the spell worked."

"This is your fault!"

"My fault?!"

"Yeah, you...you pervert!"

"I'm NOT a pervert! You take that back, Miss Swan!"

"Oh yeah, whatcha gonna do, huh? You knocked me up! What the hell do I tell my parents?! Mom's gonna flip shit."

Regina was going to reply when she saw Emma bend her head down again. The former Evil Queen held The Savior's hair.

"We'll make it through." Regina said as she rubbed Emma's back.

"You suck."

 **xxx**

"Everyone knows I'm pregnant? Regina, what did you do!" Emma was still fuming about Regina getting her pregnant.

"I didn't do anything! Miss Lucas figured it out."

"Ruby!"

"It's not my fault! My nose picked it up."

"Can you tell if the baby's a boy or girl?"

"Not right now. I wouldn't tell you either way."

Emma sat at the diner with her arms folded over her chest. Ever since they confirmed she was pregnant, Regina watched her like a hawk.

"You gonna yell, 'Thundercats Go!' when your water breaks?"

"Shut up, Ruby!"

Ruby made a face, "Did something die in your ass?"

"What? It slipped out!"

Granny chuckled,"If you think that's bad, then you're in for a rude awakening! Wait until the dirty diapers happen, then you'll be in for a real treat, kid.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: If I reference Wynonna Earp, I will choose funny or cute scenes that don't take away from the plot. Plus, I have Rizzle goodness too!**

 **I have no idea how many times I watched the unicorn scene to get all the quotes and actions right.**

 **I got carried away with my fangirling, so sue me!**

 **I forgot that pregnant women can't have coffee, so I made Emma drink it since Regina would get on her ass about it.**

 **There will be many crazy things happening the farther along Emma gets.**

 **I can't wait to write about her weird cravings!**

 **xxx**

 **Thank you again to DaneEris for the "Big as a whale" line!**

Emma was sitting on a couch that they had moved into the Sheriff Station. She was lying down on it and was reading some smutty fics that she has bookmarked on her phone. It was weird how many people would write about fictional characters and ship them together.

She almost spit out her coffee when she saw one written about her and Regina. She clicked it immediately and felt her libido waking up.

"I assure you that this isn't what I'm paying you for."

The blonde panicked, let out a shout, and her phone ended up landing right in front of Regina. The older woman picked it up and turned bright red.

"EMMA SWAN!"

"REGINA MILLS!"

"What?"

"I panicked!"

"Now I see why your mother yells the word 'porn' whenever she's around you."

"Uh...I can explain?"

"I would love to hear your perfect "explanation" for this."

"I'm pregnant."

"That is a horrible excuse! You shouldn't be drinking coffee or any caffeine. Give me that mug."

Regina tried to grab it out of Emma's hand, who clutched it tightly to her chest.

"I need something to stay up."

Regina put her hands on her hips, "If you don't give it to me when I count to three, then you will be in big trouble."

Emma rolled her eyes and pointed down, "The bun in the oven would tell you that you _already_ got me into trouble!"

"That was _your_ fault!"

"How is that my fault?!"

"One…"

"That won't work on me, Regina, I'm an adult!"

"Two…"

"This is bull shit."

"Two and a half. Two and three quarters. You don't want me to get to three."

Emma thought quickly on her feet and poured the warm coffee all over herself. It soaked into her tank top.

"I know you're desperate for coffee, but not that desperate."

"How else can I get coffee in my system?"

Regina rolled her eyes, "I'm serious, no caffeine."

"Uh huh."

"Emma, what are-"

Emma had no shame in taking off her leather jacket and tank top. She used her magic to make the trash can move in front of her. She rung out her tank in the trash while Regina stared at her dumbfounded.

"You aren't wearing a…"

"Bra? No need."

Regina used her magic to hold the mug in her hands and turned around.

"What? It's not like you haven't seen my boobs before."

"But this is in public!"

"So were your sexcapades."

Emma finished ringing it out and threw it on the fan. She zipped her leather jacket up and was walking towards Regina.

"It should by _my_ turn to have some of that kinky public sex." Emma purred as she moved closer to Regina.

"Miss Swan, control yourself!"

Emma was taken aback, "Hey, you're not playing fair!"

"You have to take care of yourself."

"I am trying to!"

"I didn't mean by sleeping with me."

Regina was walking out the door and Emma followed right after her.

"Regina…"

"No, go play by yourself. If you make another cup of coffee, then I might burn that leather jacket of yours."

"If you hadn't interrupted me, then I would've had time for some solo action! Hey, Scarlett never did anything to you!"

"Did..did you really name that fashion homicide?"

"It's not 'fashion homicide'. You need to stop watching Rizzoli and Isles in your free time."

"You do remind me of Jane Rizzoli a lot."

"Pfft, no I don't!"

"Oh really?"

"It's totally Gayzzles."

"What?"

"Rizzles, their names put together. They're super gay."

"They obviously aren't a couple."

"Yeah, they are."

"It's not canon."

"Are you being serious right now? They're o gay for each other! Who shares a bed together and probably secretly cuddles at night?"

"Best friends."

They kept walking towards Emma's house and bickering.

"Would best friends change clothes in front of each other?"

"Yes."

"Would they be considered BFFLs?"

Regina turned around, "Do you really not like being compared to Jane Rizzoli?"

"No, just proving my point how gay they are, duh."

Regina rolled her eyes and continued walking forward.

"Jane Rizzoli and Maura Isles are gay for each other!"

"Why are you yelling that?!"

"It's important, _Maura_."

"If you weren't pregnant right now…"

"You'd what?"

"Leave you to walk home by yourself."

"My shift was over, Regina! Look, I don't even have a baby bump."

Emma pointed to her stomach, "Just sexy abs."

"You are so full of yourself."

"I would be better if I was full of you."

 **xxx**

A few months had gone by and for Emma, it was like shit had hit the fan. She was thankful that this was a "normal" pregnancy instead of a super fast paced magical one. She didn't exactly remember or get to enjoy her first pregnancy. This was another chance.

"Reginaaaa!"

Regina ran into the living room, "What is it? Are you okay?"

"I can't get the remote."

"You called me in for that?"

"I would read it if I could but…"

Emma had a small stack of bear claws on her stomach.

"Where did you get those? Do you know how unhealthy those are?"

"I poofed them over."

"Did you just confess to stealing?"

"No! I called Ruby in advance and paid a week worth of them."

"You did what?!"

"The baby wants what the baby wants."

"I can't tell if you're referring to yourself or the actual baby."

Emma was about to respond when she got all teary eyed.

Regina sat down next to her, "What's wrong?"

"Regina, I feel so…so…"

"So what?"

"Big."

"You're not big, Emma."

"I'm as big as a whale!"

"You're still beautiful under all the crumbs." Regina brushed the crumbs off her face.

Emma continued to cry a little and Regina wiped away her tears.

"Baby, it's okay. Let me get the remote."

Regina gave it to her and Emma turned on Wynonna Earp.

The two of them relaxed on the couch and Regina allowed Emma to rest her feet in her lap.

On the screen, it showed Waverly getting sprayed by a tap and Nicole coming into the bar.

"This is Wayhaught."

"What?"

"The ship name is WayHaught. Waverly and Nicole's last name put together. They are way hot too."

"I'm surprised you're not watching Rizzoli and Isles."

" _Somebody_ sorta put me off of it for the time being."

Regina gently swatted Emma's leg, "That is not true!"

"Liar."

 **xxx**

The two sat in silence as Waverly and Nicole had their awkward miscommunication. It showed Waverly and Nicole talking in the street. Waverly thought Nicole was talking about one thing when Nicole was talking about another.

Emma was still eating a bear claw slowly while entranced in the show. Regina, oddly enough, was actually enjoying the show.

Nicole was wearing her uniform, jacket, and hat.

She said, "I'm not crazy, right? There's something going on here."

Waverly replied, "No, you're not crazy."

Nicole said, "Okay" with a sigh of relief.

Waverly said, "I'm not sure that I'm really ready to...oof..get into it."

"Why?"

Waverly and Nicole were crossing the street to get on the sidewalk.

Waverly turned toward Nicole as she spoke, "You're...kinda special."

"Okay uh…"

Waverly said, "You're a lesbian, not a unicorn, right?"

"What?"

"What?"

Emma burst out laughing and whispered, "So gay."

A frown appeared on her face because when she laughed, the entire plate of bear claws fell, including all the crumbs.

Normally, Regina would've scolded her, but she didn't. She was actually being so sweet to Emma that it surprised her too. Emma _knew_ Regina was sweet deep down, but it was the most she had seen Regina actually show it.

Without missing a beat, Regina poofed the plate and crumbs away.

 **xxx**

Emma had fallen sound asleep on the couch and the show still played. Regina was about to turn it off, when one scene really melted her heart.

Waverly and Nicole were in an office sitting on the couch.

Waverly said, "I don't want to be friends. When I think about what I want to do most in this world, it's you."

A smile was slowly appearing on Nicole's face when Waverly said that to her.

Regina couldn't help, but look over at Emma when Waverly said those things to Nicole.

 **xxx**

Emma was still on the couch and watching Wynonna Earp.

"I don't think this can get anymore gay."

Regina rolled her eyes and magiced the remote into her hand.

"We are watching something else."

"Fun fact, I swear that Nicole Haught is really Danny from Carmilla."

"They are two completely different actresses."

"Waverly is in Carmilla The Movie!"

"She doesn't _play_ Waverly."

"Same difference! Gimme the remote back."

"No."

"You can't say no to me!"

"And why is that?"

"Cause I'm pregnant, duh."

"You can't keep using your pregnancy as an excuse."

"I can too."

"No, you can't.

"Can too!"

"Cannot!"

The two spent time bickering about it before Regina started watching Rizzoli and Isles again.

 **xxx**

Jane Rizzoli and Maura Isles were sitting at a table when a waitress came by to give Jane a glass of wine that a guy sent over.

Maura immediately put the wine glass back to the waitress and the guy frowned.

Maura said, "I'll let him down easy."

She turned toward the guy and whispered, "She's a lesbian." Then she pointed towards Jane and said, "Gay."

The guy gave a creepy smile and Jane said to Maura, "How very open of him."

 **A/N: I can't finish what Maura said in this scene because it's a major spoiler!**

As Jane and Maura left a crime scene, Jane asked, "Is that true about French women?"

"I don't actually know, I've never been with one."

There was another crime scene where an armageddon bunker was found behind a bookcase. Jane had her mouth open as she stared at Maura walking in.

"Gayyyy."

"You can't say that everytime Jane and Maura have chemistry on the screen."

"I bet Maura gives Jane a lot of _chemistry_."

"That isn't even grammatically correct."

"Grammar Nazi."

 **xxx**

Jane and Maura were at Jane's high school reunion because the guy she was with couldn't go. Maura wanted the "high school co-ed experience". Jane put a name tag on Maura that said, "GEEK".

"You know it's gay when you touch your bestie's boob."

"Jane was putting on a name tag!"

"Yeah, but she like smacked it on her boob."

Emma demonstrated it, but rarely succeed doing the same to Regina.

"Did you just slap my breast?!"

"No, I was putting on a name tag like Jane did to Maura!"

"This show is such a bad influence for you."

"You still let me watch it so…"

"You need to stop your commentary or we will watch something else."

"Porn?"

"Emma!"

"Jokinggggg!"


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I have so many ideas about what crazy pregnant shenanigans should happen.**

 **The squeaky toy is making a come back!**

 **Bonus points for whoever can guess first who Emma is quoting and from what movie!**

Emma was glaring at something, "If my magic worked right now, I would totally be deep frying your ass!"

Regina saw Emma giving a "talking to" to something on the floor.

"What are you lecturing?"

"Those!"

The former Evil Queen looked down and saw keys on the floor. She bent down to pick it up and Emma shook her head.

"It'll _know_ that you helped me."

"Em-ma, these are just keys. Inanimate objects do not feel things."

Emma put a finger to her lips, "Shhh, they don't know that."

Regina rolled her eyes and watched her girlfriend with an amused expression on her face.

She magiced a chair so that she could sit down. There was a comfy chair right behind Emma in case she needed to sit down.

Emma would attempt to bend over, move a little bit, and stop.

"This is ridiculous Emma!"

"Not now, Regina! I gotta concentrate."

"You have to concentrate."

"That's what I said!"

"No, you said, 'gotta', which isn't a word."

"Why do you keep bustin my chop over words?"

"Busting, not 'bustin'."

"Dammit, Regina!"

Emma tried another tactic by using her feet to pick up the keys. She was trying to get her big toe to move. She was staring her toe down the way a cowboy stares down his enemy.

"Wiggle your big toe."

"What are you doing?"

"Wiggle your big toe."

"Emma?"

The blonde saw her big toe move.

"Hard part's over. Now let's get these other piggies wiggling."

Regina snorted as she saw Emma's other "piggies" wiggling.

Emma was being so careful with trying to touch the keys and when her toe made contact, she howled.

"Are you okay?!"

"IT'S COLD!"

"Of course it's cold! Do you know how long you have been standing there?"

"No! I was concentrating so hard that I forgot."

"Why am I not surprised."

"Reginaaaa."

Regina's guilty pleasure was hearing Emma say her name that way.

"Yes, Dear?"

Emma held out her arms towards the floor like a little child trying to grab something.

"Help?"

 **xxx**

"Emma, move."

"No!"

"You said you would be good if I helped you get the car keys."

"Too bad, I lied!"

Regina sighed, "I thought you were bad after having a food coma from eating too many bear claws _before_ you were pregnant, but this is worse!"

"Are...Are you calling me fat?"

"Oh gods, please don't cry."

"I am faaat!"

"Baby, you aren't that big."

"You're still calling me big!"

"For goodness sake, let me drive. I am not going to let you drive in your condition."

 **xxx**

"Deep breath."

"I am trying!"

"Baby, just one more time."

Emma scowled at Regina until she heard the click of the seat belt.


	6. Chapter 6

Emma and Regina were walking into the Charmings' apartment when something fell out of Emma's pocket.

Regina hadn't seen it, but she sure as hell _heard_ it!

"You killed it!"

"Emma!"

"It was gonna have nice babies."

"That is so…"

Regina wanted to say something along the lines of her being "ridiculous", but she didn't want her girlfriend to cry.

Emma looked down sadly at the squeaky toy that Regina had stepped on. It was the same culprit that ruined their sexy time.

"What if you never squeaked it in the first place?"

"What are you talking about?"

"If it didn't happen then I wouldn't be pregnant right now!"

Regina rubbed her temples, "If you start this again…"

"I knew it was your fault all this time!"

" _Who_ was the one that had it in the bed in the first place?"

"You leg did the thing!"

"Well, my leg won't be doing _anything_ to you now."

"Hah, jokes on you, I'm too big!"

 **xxx**

Snow looked at Emma and gushed, "Oh look at my adorable babygirl Emma!"

Her mom actually pinched her cheeks.

"Mom, stop doing that! I'm an adult!"

Charming came out from behind the fridge and was eating a chocolate chip cookie, "Adults don't play with squeaky toys."

"Adults also don't eat cookies before dinner!"

Regina and Snow both glared at Charming in unison.

 **xxx**

All four of them were sitting around the table and Emma was feeding herself happily.

"I feel like I'm reliving Henry's toddler years."

"How rude!" Emma said as some food fell on her large baby bib.

"I told you that the bib was a good idea, Regina."

"I'm dating an adult baby."

"I'm not into that, Regina."

"Emma!"

"Mom!"

 **xxx**

Emma was rubbing her hands in anticipation when all the food was cleared.

"It's time for d-e-s-s-e-r-t!"

"You sound like a pregnant speak-and-spell."

"Regina, apologize to Emma!"

"I'm a grown woman, I don't have to!"

"Yeah well, you can kiss my a-s-s."

"Language!"

"French!"

"You can _French_ this!" Regina stood up from the chair, knocking it over, and went to the bathroom.

Emma cupped her hands around her mouth "I hate to watch you go, but I love to watch you leave!".

 **xxx**

"Your mother is going to kill me for this." Charming whispered as he helped Emma from the couch to the kitchen.

"Look, I got our butts covered."

"Yeah, you say that now."

Emma and Charming opened the fridge as quietly as they could.

Charming was slowly reaching in to grab the giant plate full of chocolate chip cookies.

Emma was humming the Mission Impossible theme song the entire time.

"Almost got it…"

"Is that the face you make when you're taking a shit?"

Charming barely held onto the plate with one hand as he tried to stifle his laughter with his other hand.

As soon as Charming closed the fridge, all the lights went on.

"Uh oh."

"Why are you two up? Are those the cookies I said that you two couldn't it?"

"Hey Mom…"

"Snow, my love…"

"Oh no you don't, James! Put those back."

Emma thought things couldn't get any worse until it did.

"EMMA SWAN!"

Charming got so frightened by Regina's voice that he dropped the plate of cookies.

"Uh...Hey Babe!"

Regina and Snow both had their hands on their hips.

They were a force to reckon with like Hurricane Florence.


	7. Chapter 7

Emma and Charming were sitting on the couch about to be interrogated by their loved ones.

"Out with it, Miss Swan."

"It was Dad!"

"Way to throw me under the bus."

"Charming, how dare you say that to our daughter!"

"Did you just…?" Charming wrinkled his nose.

"Whoever smelt it, dealt it!"

"Emma."

"Dad."

Regina sighed, "I am dealing with children."

Snow had this scary look on her face.

"Emma...Charming...tell me what happened."

 **xxx**

 ****Flashback****

"You two had enough dessert!" Snow said as she pulled the plate away from Emma and Charming.

"But Mom, I had _only_ two cookies."

"Emma, you had enough." Regina said.

"Look, I don't have to watch my figure unlike Dad."

"Hey!"

"What? You have to chase people."

Charming pretended to be offended, "Are you calling me fat?"

"You can't use that excuse! You aren't pregnant."

"How do you know?"

 **xxx**

"Hey Dad, you up? Over." Emma said into her walkie talkie.

"I am now." Charming grumbled.

"I'm hungry."

"Aren't you always hungry?"

"Not my fault that you ate my special snickers in my stash. You owe me."

 **xxx**

"Dad was helping me out with getting cookies. He was doing his parenting duty."

"I missed out Snow, so I'm catching up."

Regina used her magic to fix the plate and the cookies disappeared completely.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: It's my bad if they are out of character.**

 **I love watch Teletubbies and I had a giant Po as a kid! Po is the small red** teletubby **. :D**

 **Alas, I had to give her away or something.**

 **Anyways, I wanted to thank** DameEras **and the lovely ladies that shared their pregnancy craving stories!**

xxxxx

"What have you done to my lasagna?"

Emma had a giant blob of peanut butter on top of her lasagna.

"I am eating!"

"That is such an insult to my cooking."

Emma pointed a spoon at Regina, "You got this eggo prego, so you just have to deal. You should try it."

"No."

"You're missing out, Regina!"

"I highly doubt that."

 **xxx**

"Reginaaaa!"

Regina calmly walked into the kitchen since she learned not to panic every time Emma called for her.

"Yes, Emma?"

"Where's the broccoli?"

"Broccoli?"

Regina had a very confused look on her face. Not once has Emma Swan _ever_ asked to eat a, dear she think it, vegetable!

"Why do you need broccoli?"

"It's cause I ran out of the baby carrots. They are super cute."

"Super cute? You cannot be _my_ Emma, so where is she?"

Emma looked at Regina from behind the fridge door with a baby carrot sticking out of her mouth.

"I'm serious, Babe! I have this weird craving for vegetables all of a sudden." Emma made a face when she said the 'v word'.

"You didn't put a spell on yourself, did you?"

"No, I was worried that something bad might happen."

"You're actually acting like an adult. Are you sure you're not sick?"

Emma stood up,shut the fridge door, and finished eating her carrot.

"This little stinker is driving me up the wall! I tried eating my normal foods and my body didn't like that."

"By 'normal', do you mean extremely unhealthy?"

"You're unhealthy."

"That doesn't even make any sense."

"You don't make sense!"

Regina rolled her eyes, "Do you want broccoli or not?"

Emma's face lit up, "Yes, please!"

 **xxx**

"Mom, what's wrong with Ma? Is she cursed?" Henry asked as he saw Emma eating a giant plate of broccoli.

"No Henry, your mother is having cravings."

"Oh."

"Hey Kid, want some broc?"

"No thanks, Ma!"

"It's delicious though, Henry!"

"Traitor!"

"What?"

"You swore you would never eat vegetables unless Mom threatened you with the couch."

"Shhhh...that was our secret!"

"Now that you told me that, Henry, I think that your mother should sleep on the couch."

"No way, I'm like a turtle! If I lay on my back, I can't get up."

"You shouldn't have kept that secret from me."

"Well Henry shouldn't have snitched!"

"You were gonna threaten me with broccoli!"

"How do you know?"

"It's because you're my Ma."

"Touche', Kid, touche."

 **xxx**

Regina and Emma were lying next to each other in bed.

"Being pregnant sucks."

"No, it's something beautiful."

"I can't chase bad guys anymore with my big belly."

"You're supposed to be off duty."

"I can't pick you up and throw you against the wall like I used to!"

"It's okay baby, I can ride you."

"It's not the same!"

"Emma, we can work around it."

"Haha, you said a round."

 **xxx**

Emma had been known to have morning sickness periodically.

Today, Snow was spending time with her and make sure she ate the proper foods and not 'junk'.

Emma didn't feel so hot and tried to stand up on her own when Snow rushed over to her.

"Let me help you!"

Emma barely walked anywhere before she accidentally threw up on Snow due to nausea.

Snow looked down at her shirt and tried to take it off.

Emma had a horrified look on her face.

Snow sighed, "I missed out on your baby spit ups. This is probably just me catching up with them in all one go."

 **xxx**

Regina insisted on a code for David to be on the doorstep ready to go for when Emma had to go to the hospital.

The clock on Regina's bedside table said that it was 3AM. She texted David and walked down the steps.

She heard the loud siren on the car that Charming drove. Regina saw him heading towards the front door with his hair sticking up and a giant duffle bag with him.

Emma comes down the stairs and sees Regina open the door with a stopwatch in her hand.

Charming hears the 'click' sound as she stopped the timer.

"Your response time was horrible."

Regina turned to look at Emma, "We need to find a way to narrow this down. How would you feel living in the guest room for the last month of the pregnancy?"

Charming looked uneasy, "Uh...I'll ask Snow first."

He called Snow and a few minutes later, she was at the front door.

"Are you two coming in? I don't want the cold air to get out.

Snow and Charming entered the door while a very pregnant Emma sort of waddled to a seat that Regina magiced there for her to sit in.

"I feel like that penguin that Robin Williams played in Happy Feet."

"Why would you say that?" Regina asked curiously.

Emma started to sniffle, "It's because we both are giants!"

The waterworks started and each tear drop sparkled.

Regina told Snow and Charming to stand back because Emma wasn't in control of her magic.

One of the tears made a small little red childlike creature appear with a little grey screen on its belly. The ones that followed were yellow, green, and purple. They were all different sizes, but the red creature was the smallest.

"Are those…?"

"Yeah, Dad, Teletubbies."

"Aren't you terrified of them?"

"Yep."

The teletubbies started to rush at Emma to give her a giant hug when her other tear caused a sun with a baby face to appear.

"Not the baby!" Emma shouted.

The sun baby giggled and the teletubbies surrounded it. They held hands and sang _Ring a Ring o' Roses._

"I knew you shouldn't watch that show before bed!"

"Regina, they were cute on the screen. They started to scare me after I saw that creepy black and white video of demonic teletubbies."

The moment Emma said that, the teletubbies lost their color and turned black and white. The sun baby changed from a brilliant bright yellow to a crimson red.

"You know what, maybe having a kid was a bad idea…"

"Emma, don't say that!"

"You're not the one surrounded by demon things!"

"Oh for Heaven's sake!" Regina threw a fireball at each of them until they turned to ash.

"I think we need to put a child lock on the television."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Super dramatic Emma in the beginning might be out of character, but I still had a laugh writing it.**

Emma shouted, "This isn't hard, so just get the hell out! You're a total freeloader and you're killing me here. I can't bend down without you making it uncomfortable for me. You cause me severe back pain and I can't even see my damn toes anymore. I can't have sex with my beautiful girlfriend because you came into our life. I'll say it one more time, get out or I'll kick you out myself!"

"Ma, you know the baby can't talk, right?" Henry said after only hearing the last sentence of what Emma said.

Emma sighed,"I know, Kid. Your sibling has got to graduate so I can sleep!"

"You look like a balloon."

"A balloon?!"

Regina rushed in to try to calm Emma down before she burst into tears.

"More like a tootsie pop."

"Gross. Kid."

 **xxx**

The day had finally arrived and poor Emma had no idea. She was relaxing in bed and watching the scene where Juno is using a toy car on her stomach.

As funny as it sounded, Emma was doing the same thing with a miniature version of her yellow bug.

The moment she saw Juno's face was the moment her water broke.

"Thundercats are go!"

Charming ran into the room and almost slipped in the hallway. He helped Emma get off the bed and slowly walked her down the stairs.

"Do I grab towel?"

"I don't know, Dad!"

Charming tried to put her in the backseat and was having difficulty putting on the seatbelt.

"I feel like Ricky!"

"Dad, just drive!"

"Snow's gonna kill me."

"If she doesn't, then I will!"

 **xxx**

The two of them safely got to the hospital. Charming grabbed a wheelchair, sat Emma in it, and ran down the hall.

"You forgot my bag!"

"Pregnant lady coming through!"

They almost knocked Dr. Whale down.

Charming was gasping from being out of breath, "Emma...Baby...Water…"

Dr. Whale took over steering the wheelchair in the right direction to help Emma give birth.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I'm in uncharted territory here, so thank you to DameEris and SKRowling for all the help! 3**

 **The episode that Charming is referring to is "I Love Lucy", Season 2, Episode 16 titled, "Lucy Goes to the Hospital".**

 **The specific clip is on Youtube titled, "I Love Lucy - Lucy Goes Into Labor (This is it!)"**

 **xxx**

Snow and Regina had arrived together as fast as possible. Charming jumped up out of the uncomfortable metal chair in Emma's room and looked very disheveled, "I know how Ricky felt in that episode where Lucy was pregnant. I forgot her bag!"

"At least you were prepared enough to drive her." Snow said reassuringly.

"I don't have time for this I Love Lucy episode!" Regina snapped.

Dr. Whale smiled, "She's ready, so if you three would accompany me."

Charming wasn't prepared for this even though he felt like he had learned much too much about pregnancy than he wanted to. He wanted to show her support, but would he be able to handle it?

The two women almost bulldozed Dr. Whale over and Charming tried to steady him as they ran to Emma's bed. Emma looked so frightened by being surrounded by nurses. The memory of giving birth to Henry was not a horrible one, but she was still frightened of hospitals.

Snow was on one side of the bed and Regina went to the other while Charming had to stand awkwardly by the bed since there was barely any room for him.

"How long do you think this will take?" Charming asked.

"Women can be in labor for an average of eight hours. It can be more or less, of course. It's very unlikely to last up to eighteen hours."

"Eighteen hours?" Charming could feel himself sweat.

He had to give himself a good talking to, "Okay Charming, this is like the Super Bowl times a thousand. If you can get through that when Snow is trying to get you off the couch every five minutes, you can handle this."

Dr. Whale found it interesting how Charming tried to remain calm during this time.

"After labor is induced, it should take a couple of hours or more."

"This is better than the NFL Football package."

 **xxx**

At least eight hours had passed and Emma was still going through labor. Dr. Whale was at the end of the bed and he let everyone know that Emma was ready to give birth.

Regina could tell how pale Emma was and the former Evil Queen kept repeatedly telling herself to hold herself together. Snow did her best to remain calm, but she was extremely excited that she was going to have another grandchild.

Snow immediately held onto Emma's hand without hesitation as Regina did the same As whale ducked down, Regina peaked and could see their baby's head crowning. She paled as she saw Emma stretched out like that.

"I'm feeling a little bit faint. Is this normal?" Regina asked as everything seemed a bit too bright for her where she was.

"You gotta be shitting me here, Regina! _I'm_ the one giving birth and all the attention to should be on you? Oh no way, you're not stealing my spotlight this time."

"You've been in the spotlight this entire time since you've been pregnant!"

"You got me into this!" Emma gritted her teeth as another contraction went through.

Snow tried to give both Regina and Emma a reassuring smile.

Dr. Whale, "It would be best if you came down here, Regina, this is where the magic happens. No pun intended."

Charming felt like he was becoming a bit faint as well and he wasn't as close. He could handle crowds easily, but it was something about the delivery room.

"I think you ladies got this handled so…"

"Dad!"

"Emma, there's no room and I can just Youtube this."

"Charming!"

"Bad joke, I'm nervous, okay? There's going to be blood."

Dr. Whale said, "That's not necessarily true."

Snow said angrily at Charming, "How could you not stand blood? You have been wars for goodness sake!"

"Yeah, but that's so much easier than watching Emma give birth!"

"Stop being a drama queen, Dad! ATTENTION IS ON ME!"

Charming backed out of the room as fast as he could and grabbed a coffee while he sat in the waiting room.

 **xxx**

Snow felt like Emma could break her hand as sweat poured down her daughter's face and her hair was a mess. A lot of it was plastered to her face, so Snow tried to remove it from her face so she can see.

"You're doing wonderful, honey. Do you remember the breathing techniques from your Lamaze classes? Just remember to…"

"Mom, I love you, but please shut up!"

"Emma Swan, how dare you speak to me that way!"

"I'M GIVING BIRTH HERE, SO CAN IT!"

Snow wanted to say more, but she focused on helping her daughter through this.

 **xxx**

Regina thought she was feeling better until she got to the foot of the bed with Dr. Whale. She knew that birth was explained as being beautiful, but perhaps that didn't happen until the baby was being held in the mother's arms.

Emma cursed a few times and Regina didn't bother telling her to not use that language. There would be no point and she didn't want Emma to rip her head off during the process either.

"Regina, I swear that if you don't put a ring on it after I have this kid…"

Regina rolled her eyes, "Who said I was proposing to you anyway?"

"Regina Mills, if you don't propose to my daughter than it will not be pleasant for you after."

Snow snapped.

Poor Dr. Whale was just trying to do his job, "I see the head, keep pushing Emma!"

"I can't propose in this type of situation!"

Snow's hand probably had gone numb a while ago.

Dr. Whale told Emma that the baby was almost here.

"There is no 'almost' anymore, Whale! That kid's coming whether or not he or she likes it!"

"Just one more push, Emma."

"I'll give you one more push!"

 **xxx**

The baby came out and Dr. Whale immediately gave the baby to the nurse.

She rubbed and cleaned the baby off, then wrapped the baby in a yellow blanket with a matching little cap.

The nurse came over and put the baby in Emma's arms while Regina made it to the front of the bed.

"She's so beautiful, Emma, just like you when you were born." Snow whispered.

Charming came back in and when he saw his granddaughter, he felt his heart fill with pride.

"She is going to learn how to sword fight, fight dragons, take on witches…"

"Charming, let's leave these two be."

"But the naming of the baby!"

"They will tell us later."

Snow had to drag Charming away from his new baby granddaughter.

Before he got out the door, he said, "Please do not name her anything hard to pronounce!"

 **xxx**

The nurses and Dr. Whale left the room so that the couple could be by themselves.

Emma looked down at her beautiful little baby girl and Regina stuck out her finger, which the baby took in her tiny hand. She squeezed it as hard as she could and gurgled. Her emerald eyes looked up at her moms.

"This would be a good time to propose."

Regina smiled, "You're right."

The former Evil Queen focused her eyes on her daughter and said, "Can I ask your mommy to marry me now, Princess?"

Their little girl smiled so brightly.

"I'll take it that as a yes," Emma said while smiling back at Regina.

Regina bent down to brush the hair out of Emma's face and kissed her forehead.

"You have given me the greatest gift . You gave me a family and I can't imagine living without you or our children. I love you Emma, and nothing would make me happier than you being my wife. Will you marry me?"

"Yes!"


	11. Chapter 11

During the entire car ride, Snow was giving Regina and Emma parenting tips. Emma was dozing off in the back seat and Regina was holding their baby, who was fast asleep.

Charming was going a mile a minute because he wanted to be extra careful to not wake Emma or his granddaughter.

"Snow, I raised Henry on my own, I can handle raising our baby."

"Regina, that was years ago."

"It's like riding a bike."

"So is getting laid." Emma said while slowly waking up.

Regina snickered.

"Emma!"

 **xxx**

Emma and Regina were dropped off. Snow had bought more than enough supplies like diapers, baby bibs, pacifiers, etc. Charming helped them put it in the house.

When the couple were left alone with their baby, they went to sit on the couch.

"I didn't hold Henry when he was a baby because if I did, I'd ever let him go." Emma whispered as she looked down at their daughter.

"I promise not to let you go, Sweetheart."

 **xxx**

The family had all arrived in the Swan-Mills home. It was referred to that despite Emma and Regina not being married..yet.

Emma was exhausted, so Regina held their baby girl.

"Emma and I have been discussing names for our beautiful daughter. We wanted the name to mean something special, so we named her Alis. It means "Of Noble Kind" or "gentle"."

Everyone around them was clapping and Henry walked up to his two moms. He looked down at his baby sister, who offered him her little pudgy hand. He moved his finger towards her hand and she gripped onto it with all her might.

"Hi, I'm your big brother, Henry. I'm going to love you more than anyone except Mom and Ma. I'll be your knight and keep your safe from all the boys. One day, you might meet a pretty girl or a handsome boy to be your true love. I can't wait for you to get bigger."

Emma felt tears fall down her face from being so happy that Henry immediately accepted his sister.

Regina held Emma, Henry, and Alis close to her. They would always be her family. She couldn't wait to see the type of woman that Alis would become.


End file.
